I'm of an age where if you were feeling a bit down you were told to "pull yourself together", thankfully we've come a long way since then with the mental health of a person is placed just as high as their physical #wellbeing.
I have a story to tell you but before I start I wanted to gain a better insight into how many people are affected by this disease. Statistically 1 in 4 people in the UK will experience problems with their mental health at some time in their lives. That's a pretty high figure which got me thinking more about why the number is so high? Is it that its become more acceptable to talk about how we're feeling? Is it more acceptable to admit that we're not ok? Are there more resources out there that are more easily accessible? Has the Government realised that there is a massive problem out there, are willing to spend more money on research, help and publicising the problem which is why we're hearing more about it? I don't have the definitive answers to my questions but I do believe that I could personally answer yes to my questions and I could recommend a way of life that might help.
My personal story concerns my son. From an early age he was this larger than life character; he had a thirst for knowledge, fun and adventure. He played musical instruments and wrote his own songs. He played tricks and could make anyone laugh, he had a personality that could make even the most miserable person question why they were in a bad mood, he would leave a mark of joy and excitement wherever he went. He mixed well with all age groups; he could adapt and make anyone feel comfortable in an uncomfortable situation. He made me proud just breathing and lit up my life from the moment he was placed in my arms as a baby ... and he still does and is still all of these things but when the #cloud drops over him, he's not my baby boy anymore but a shell of the person I raised and this breaks my heart. I get frustrated and so incredibly sad that a hug or a magic kiss wont make things better for him, neither of these can put that incredible smile back on his face or wipe away the tears that fill his eyes.
As a parent we do our best for our children; we provide a happy, stable home, we shower them with love, support and encouragement. I never expected anything from my mini mes; I just wanted them to be happy, which I think is where I struggle with Jacks cloud ... did I do enough and I've questioned this many times over the years.
Can I say the help is out there for Jack? I feel that there is help but its wrapped up in letters and referrals being sent from one practitioner to another and he seems to have fallen through the net so many times. His latest consultation promised help with a waiting list and he was sent on his way with a prescription for drugs to lift the cloud slightly, to help him feel like he could get out of bed, to help him feel not so worthless ... are they working? Sadly I don't think they are.
I've learnt to spot the early signs now; although there are still times when I miss them or the cloud drops so suddenly that it wipes him off his feet. As an example; my granddaughter came over one day after school, the music went on and she was teaching Jack some dance moves, the room was filled with bodies dancing to 'Hey Macarena', music and laughter ... it was a happy, carefree few hours with them both dancing with joyful abandonment. My granddaughter went home, Jack disappeared upstairs for an hour and returned a different person. The smile had vanished, the spring in his step had gone, there was no music or joy in his body ... the cloud had dropped like a tonne of bricks and he was in a bad place. His eyes that were full of fun such a short while ago were full of tears and he couldn't explain the feelings that had taken over his body so quickly. He often uses phrases like "I feel worthless", "I don't know why I'm alive", "I have nothing to live for".
So where do I come into this, what do I do to try and help? I listen ... I sit for hours at a time and into the early hours of the morning listening and talking to him, trying to lift the cloud. There were times when I'd drive the hour home from work with my phone on loud speaker listening and talking. I offer solutions and plans to give him something to get out of bed for. I give as many hugs as I can.
Jack has always loved the outdoors; even at the age of 22 he still loves to ride his bike or scoot along on his skateboard, he loves taking a barbeque to meet up with his friends and cooking burgers, he loves climbing trees, he loves sitting on the beach ... there's a theme to all of these things that help Jack and its getting outside. For those brief periods when he's experiencing a life outside he's happy, he smiles, his eyes come alive, he bounces along, he doesn't think of anything other than feeling the sun or wind on his face and the cloud isn't quite so low.
I'm a massive ambassador for living as much of a life outdoors as you can manage and I can see the benefits with my own eyes; with friends, my son and on occasions when I've felt a bit low even myself, Some people call it their happy place; a place where they can go to escape their thoughts, the stress of life, the ping of their mobile phone, problems at home. Whatever the worry is; the outdoors can help reset us, it can bring relief and peace to a troubled mind. For those few hours outside there are no demands made of us, its a time when we can switch off to the world and spend time doing something we love.
I suppose my final question is, can this be packaged up and given out as freely as the magic drugs are given out by our GPs? I think the answer is yes; we can all do our bit to educate ourselves, read up on mental health so that we can spot the early signs in our friends and loved ones. We could all spare an hour each week to arrange a day out, be a listening ear or give a hug. I'm not saying any of these things can replace professional counselling or medicines; they definitely help, but more resources and understanding on the massive benefits to getting outside could really help lift someone's cloud.
As an addition to my post I wanted to tell you about the affects coping with a family member who has a mental illness has on the rest of the family. I rarely talk about the occasions when Jack has been particularly distressed to anyone, the nights I've lay in my bed worrying, or the numerous trips I've made to his bedroom to check I can still hear him breathing, the times I've spent crying in the shower in despair because it's the one place I can go to be alone and pretend I've got soap in my eyes if they're red. Jack has 2 sisters who deal with the illness too; they also do their best to understand, comfort him, or think of ways to take his mind off the situation. I struggle to tell Jack off about anything; his untidiness mainly, for fear of upsetting him. He gets 'let off' things that his sisters would be brought to task about; this creates problems within the family because they see it as unfair and although I agree, I don't have the answer to deal with it any other way. His grandparents don't understand the condition or why he can't motivate himself; they don't understand why he doesn't want to get out of bed. I tell lies to them and don't tell them how bad things can be for fear of upsetting them.
I tred on egg shells a lot! I shield the family from the worst episodes, I smile through it, put on a brave face, think of hundreds of solutions that I think might help, I read articles, research herbal medicines because I know that one day I will find an answer, the old Jack will be back with us and the cloud will no longer hover over our lives.
https://www.mind.org.uk/
So sorry to hear you’re all going through this. There is no rhyme or reason to it. It is an illness and I’m sure with help things will / or have got better x